On success
How are you related to people in your life? As performance and performance coach who works with a wide range of clients from sports teams to non-athletic people I've found five (5) topics affecting healthy relationships, both business and private.
1. Take responsibility
When it comes to maintaining friendships, communication and performing well with people, it is important that everyone take 100% responsibility. It is too easy to blame others when something goes wrong or there is disagreement, and although this may feel like it's not your fault, it also means that you are unable to do anything by the situation. Everything you can and will do is complain and have excuses for why things do not work out.
It is said that for others to change, you need to change. When you take responsibility over you regain your personal power and take personal ownership in order to create the changes to be made. You can take responsibility by asking yourself:
How can I contribute to the relationship?
How can I communicate more effectively is to be understood?
How can I get an agreement?
If you feel negative towards anyone consider "What do I determine if this in order to feel this way?"
Focus on what you can do, and you may be surprised at the results. Often problems of mind and changing your mind, you can see a second or a situation in a different light, and the problem will disappear without discussion.
Take responsibility comes first and is an underlying theme for the following items to use.
2. Respect for other people's view of the world
Everyone has a different reality or worldview, based on their upbringing and life experiences. Problems can arise when someone makes the mistake of believing that their opinion is the truth or reality. It may seem so to them, but it is foolish to be close-minded and not consider alternatives. Conflicts and even wars that occur because of differences in beliefs and values. By understanding and respect that someone might have a different experience, we can consider stepping into their shoes to really see where they come from. This involves listening to them wholeheartedly with the intent to understand, not to prove them wrong.
By listening and meeting one another at their point of view, we are more likely to gain rapport with them and have a sensible discussion. It opens the way to persuade them to your own view, like a martial artist can move only with an opponent before guiding them to the mat.
At best we can at least understand that a second person doing the best they can with what they have available to them, whether it is experience, knowledge or support. Consider this next time someone does something that you do not make sense for you.
3. Be true to itself
Do you know people who dare not speak their minds, or tip-toe around others for fear of rocking the boat? Who is this benefit? It benefits no one. Do not know how you really feel, you give a wrong impression of what you stand for. This can result in people like / you are agreeing to a person you do not. The 'receiver', who missed your true opinion, lose the opportunity to discuss the topic and to either convince you otherwise, or to be influenced by your opinion.
I used to make the mistake of staying quiet, or just agree with boyfriends. These facts did not last, because I was not being true to myself. When I committed to be authentic and stand up for my views, I created the best personal relationship I could dream of. I am convinced that he loves me for who I really am, and I do not have to worry about saying the right thing or wrong thing that is very liberating.
In business, you will gain respect for your colleagues to have an opinion and sharing it, and because the opinions are your own, you are most likely to be consistent.
4. Trust
I think the real confidence is when you trust a person, a process or a situation, regardless of your past experiences or beliefs. It's easy to trust when you agree, and so it's not really trust. Being able to let go and trust fully when you disagree - now that confidence!
I think that sometimes you have to let go of what you know and put trust in the unknown. It could be a colleague, employee, or perhaps an entrepreneur. People who do not trust others, ends up doing everything themselves and tiring themselves out. Ironically, by failing to delegate, it may take longer to get things done, it may not be as good and sometimes not at all - all the things we could have been trying to avoid.
Yes, sometimes people get burned by relying on others, but the lesson is not to never trust again, but rather to trust wisely. Do due diligence, so you can put trust in the right people, or the right situation. It can save you a lot of time and a lot of work and can give the freedom I am sure that you want.
5. Keep to the facts - it's really not personal
People are defined makes machines give importance to almost every incident that takes place in their lives. A person can see someone do something or say something and decide it means that x equals z. People make the mistake of mind-reading and then turn them into reality. Often the person's past experiences, beliefs and attitudes will affect the significance and will then operate in response to that meaning. To the other person can actually just x and y can not understand the reaction
The best way for these two people to relate is to talk about the facts - what actually is, rather than sense who made it and, as mentioned in Section 1, trying to understand the other person's intention.
Next time you experience difficulties, take a step back and look at it from a third person view so you can see both sides. Keep an open mind, and you can surprise you with the level of understanding you receive. Decide now to manage your relationships and communication, and easily see life starting to be.
Annette Huygens Tholen is a former international beach volleyball player and participated in the 2000 Olympics in Sydney
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